Recipes

(An amalgamation of several trial and error recipe attempts at re-creating that warming bliss that is warm bread with just the right overdose of cinnamon goodness…nom. This so far is the most pleasing…And we has Suzi approval.)

For millennia there have been whispers and rumours of the lost cults of Israel, nomadic amazonian tribes willing to trade gold for this bronze manna, and Viking Vedas who carried esoteric wisdom from generation to generation regarding the correct methods and traditions of reverence of this divine spice. The Ancient Egyptians included it in the most chiefly burial murals, The Great Mage Abramelin insisted it be in sacredest of incense concoctions intended for magical rituals. Exodus refers to its use in holy annointing oils: “Take the finest spices: of liquid myrrh five hundred shekels, and of sweet-smelling cinnamon half as much(still a lot), that is, two hundred and fifty, and two hundred and fifty of aromatic cane, and five hundred of cassia-”(etc) It is well woven into the rich tapestry of history. Today, we’re taking some commercially farmed, factory ground, unfairly traded bark of this odd shaped tree, packaged in a plain glass jar and thrown in amongst the milk, bread and sausage rolls you picked up at you local supermarket. Yes, we’re going to take it and shake it, quite vigorously, over a roughly rectangular, flat, squishy dough thing. How times have changed.

This recipe takes, like, forever! You will need to book the day off work,cancel any plans, book small children into daycare, make sure your partner is aware that entry to the kitchen will require ten minutes notice, a password and a cleansing by lint roller ritual. I recommend you find a good book to read while waiting in between steps. First,cleanse your temple, um, kitchen surfaces! You will need all of them cleared to reflect the serious commitment you are making to pastry and spices. All meat, fruits and unnecessary or whimsical modern utensils and appliances should be thrown out of the window at midnight during a full moon while Saturn is in retrograde.(Or just stick them in a cupboard or something if seven years ago you overlooked the possibility that you’d be baking today).
A wise, and very alluring, occultist once said “the way to (probably bread) mastery, is to break all the rules, but you have to know them perfectly before you can do this. Otherwise, you are not in a position to transcend them.” (hence the several trial and error experiences painstakingly endured to arrive at this recipe) So, having transcended the known limitations of dough and looked upon the divine countenance of The Sweet Angel of Glucose himself,I now have the confidence to get around to typing up this recipe.

We are doing this old school! (because I got spooked using a commercial mixer once and forget which bit goes where,and became overwhelmed, and forgot about adding the water, and needed a bit of reassurance and stuff, so it’s just probably easier for everyone’s sake if I do it by hand if I’m not using my own gear, plus I don’t actually know how to use a bread maker) The one modern item which has been universally accepted by all followers of the Great Baker in the Pie is the silicon spatula type thing. Silicone is so much smoother, is so much more aesthetically pleasing, and has a special feeling that wood just can’t give, it molds to your body as you work it. You feel yourself becoming one with the tool, it always fits perfectly in the palm of your hand, and after a few times, you’ll never go back to other materials. I do prefer the warm, natural feel of good old fashioned wood most of the time, but there are occasions which just call for a silicone tool, usually for convenience or speed, and it always leads to less mess. Once your area is clear of clutter bless it with the fresh breeze of an open window, the mellow tones of Slayer and kick out anything which looks fluffy. The Great Baker does not appreciate floof, dust bunnies or stray fibers to enter into the consecrated area of the bakery. All this preparation is entirely necessary. This recipe must not be entered into lightly. There are forces and energies at work beyond the comprehension of most mere mortals. Ensure you are thoroughly prepared for this bold task which you are to undertake. It will be physically, mentally and emotionally challenging in ways you can not imagine. You’ll also need a big bowl, a rolling pin, a few baking trays and some string.

Oven 180*c

Ingredients:
Bread:
240ml semi-skimmed milk
140g granulated sugar
14g dry yeast
115g room temperature butter
2 medium eggs
300g plain flour (+extra for kneading)
250g strong white bread flour

Filling:
90g butter,room temperature
100g sugar
Shitloads of cinnamon

Icing:
100g icing sugar
1 tsp vanilla flavouring
2-3tbsp milk
MORE cinnamon!!!

Method:

Once you have cleared a good sized space in the kitchen of your choice, (today I used Suzi an Alex’s, and also their cinnamon!) you will need to get a big bowl, a spatula (preferably silicon, as discussed before), a rolling pin and some baking trays. This recipe makes around 16 rolls, which can fit onto two, good sized baking trays.

First of all,make a yeastocccino; warm the milk to around 37*C (baby bath temperature, blood temperature, about the same as the temperature of your wrist, or elbow crease.) and put this in the bowl. To this, add the sugar and yeast, mix well to dissolve as much as you can, then leave in a warm place for around 5-10 minutes until the mix has developed a yeasty, frothy top. (should resemble a cappuccino)

Beat the shit out of the butter until soft and workable then add this to the mixture.

Lightly beat the eggs, and add these too. The resulting mix should be quite lumpy, as the ingredients often do not combine well. Don’t worry about this, it will be worked out at the next step.

Gradually add the flour while mixing, until a dough is formed. If too wet and sticking to the bowl, add a little extra flour. If too dry,and cracking, add a little milk.

Knead out the dough on a floured surface, for around a minute.

Return the dough to the bowl, and cover with a damp tea-cloth or clingfilm.

Leave the bowl in a fairly warm place to rise for around 1.5-2 hrs,until the dough has doubled in size.

Knock back the dough – knead the dough on a floured surface again, for around 5-7 minutes, then return to the bowl, and repeat the proving process. This step can be omitted if you don’t have the time or patience,but the resulting dough will be a bit denser. (warned you it takes aaaaagggggeeessss!)

If you’ve had the patience to wait for the mixture to double in size again, then I hope you used the waiting time wisely. Congratulate yourself with a glass of wine! Turn the dough out onto a floured surface, and roll into a rectangular shape, around 1.5-2 cms thick.

Spread the room temperature butter onto the dough surface with your hands (sometimes wood and silicone tools just don’t do the trick, this is one of those times.) It is just so much easier to spread with fingers. Sprinkle on the sugar, evenly distributing it over the buttery layer. Then liberally sprinkle the cinnamon with as much panache as you can muster! This is the bit you have been waiting for! You alone are personally responsible for the even distribution of that delicious sin-amon-ni goodness! This is the time to sprinkle this most precious of spices on a potentially amazing baked dessert worthy to offer to any God ! Once you have completely covered the surface of the dough (it should look brown if you appreciate cinnamon as much as I do!) hide the cinnamon.

Gently roll the dough into a giant swiss roll shaped cylinder. Use the string as a cheese wire placing it under the cylinder, and bring the two ends together to chop the roll into slices. Alternatively, use a knife, but this can flatten the disk shape you’re aiming for. You should get around 16 good-sized rolls.

Evenly space the cinnamon rolls on lined baking trays, cover with cling film, and allow to rise for 45-50 minutes. They will again double in size. You should aim to preheat the oven to 200*C (fan assisted), so if it’s like ours, turn it on 20 mins before you need it.

Put the trays in the oven and bake for around 22-25 minutes until golden brown. Preferably swapping shelf position midway for even baking. While you’re waiting, prepare the icing.

Sieve the icing sugar and a few firm shakes of cinnamon into a bowl. Add a the vanilla flavouring,then milk, sparingly, until you have a mixture which can coat the back of a spoon.

Once baked, leave the rolls on the trays, and ice them while they’re still hot.

ENJOY!!!